Our post series starts with a relaxed effeminate Colo Claw Fish named Rendle who is sleeping in his burrow on the seas of Naboo. Rendle at first is familiar with only Star Wars animals and spacecraft. But one day, he was waken by unfamiliar noises emanating from outside his burrow and wondered what they were. Rendle was cautious because of Sando Aqua Monsters, but his curiosity compelled him to approach the source of the sounds that woke him up but in a very careful manner. As he got 190 meter away from his burrow entrance, he saw two small craft that were totally unfamiliar to him. He asked the two small spacecraft, "Fellas, I am a Colo Claw Fish named Rendle and I heard noises that woke me up, are those peculiar sounds coming from you guys?" The individual in one of the craft answered, "Rendle, the noises that you are referring you do not come from our two small craft, and we each have a large starship waiting at the surface of the seas of Naboo. This craft is called a travel pod which docks to docking ports on my ship. I am from the Star Trek universe which is non-Star Wars so therefore my ship is non-Star Wars. I am Captain James Tiberius Kirk and my ship is the USS Enterprise." The guy in the other craft added, "The guy in that travel pod is right about our ships and the noises that you heard, I am flying a YSS-1000 Sabre and I patriotically come from the Halo universe, which too is outside of Star Wars. I am Captain Jacob Keyes and my ship is a Halo battlecruiser. There is a clash between Halo and Star Trek." Rendle said, "Guys, I love Star Wars, I have no views on either Star Trek or Halo and am undecided until I get further information but I do not like battles or clashes.
As Kirk and Keyes had an argument, Rendle listened in very carefully in hopes of getting enough information to make up his mind. Keyes was calling Kirk names and verbally attacking him while Kirk avoided using such abrasive language. Mr Spock and Scotty were with Kirk in the Travel Pod. Mr. Spock said, "Keyes, you are being highly illogical and committing an illogicality known as an ad hominem attack." Keyes then saw Scotty and shouted, "Look at that fatzo who thinks that his junk bucket is a matter of pride. The Enterprise is a dumper and my ship is a cream of the crop." Scotty shouted, "Keyes, I order you to cut out your insults to my baby!" Keyes said, "War is the only way to solve major conflicts." Spock said, "Keyes, the idea that war is the answer to every major dispute is unwise and not at all logical." After hearing a back and fourth between Kirk, Spock, and Scotty in the travel pod and Keyes in the Sabre, Rendle quickly decided that he did not want to be with such nasty war-addicted cranks and chose Star Trek. Rendle said, "I have made up my mind, I support Star Trek since Halo is filled with war junkies and verbal attacks etc. I don't like rivalries, but I cannot stand militarism and such immature verbal abuse." Kirk asked, "Rendle, would you like to travel in the cargo holds of the USS Enterprise, Scotty rigged them to carry a Colo Claw Fish just before we left the ship. Much to our dismay, we have this rivalry all because the Halo Empirewants to promote endless war and Star Trek wants to end and prevent wars." Rendle was excited and said, "Of course, I would love to travel with you." Scotty said, "Beasty stay right next to our travel pod so we can escort you safely to the ship. We don't want any Sando Aqua Monster-related incidents along the way." The Travel Pod escorted Rendle to the USS Enterprise.
As Rendle and the Travel Pod made their way carefully to the ship, Rendle said, "Guys, Sando Aqua Monsters can appear without warning so keep your eyes peeled and your scanners on." As Rendle and the travel pod got very close to the Enterprise at the surface, Kirk saw a dragon-like creature in the distance approaching from behind and asked, "Rendle, what is the distant animal that is slowly making his way towards us?" Rendle answered in terror, "Kirk, that is a Sando Aqua Monster, please protect me!" Kirk said, "I will protect you Rendle. Transporter, beam up Scotty so he can open shuttle bay doors just below the waters surface and let Rendle the Colo Claw Fish in, there is a Sando Aqua Monster approaching. Scotty was beamed up while Kirk and Spock went to distract the marauding marine mammal. Scotty then took the turbo elevator to the shuttle control room so he could open the shuttle bay doors. Once in the shuttle control room on P Deck, Scotty opened the bay doors. As the Sando Aqua Monster got closer, Rendle swam very fast into the Enterprise and through the shuttle bay into the modified cargo holds. Once Rendle was inside, Scotty closed the bay doors and said, "Kirk, our beasty is in." Kirk and Spock then docked the travel pod on the port docking port on Q Deck.
The Sando Aqua Monster was not deterred by Rendle being safely sealed inside the Enterprise and proceeded closer and closer to the Enterprise. Meanwhile, Checkov said, "Helm, let's take off before the Sando Aqua Monster damages our ship." Sulu replied, "Aye sir, we are accelerating and taking off." The Enterprise took off from the seas of Naboo without a scratch from the Sando Aqua Monster. Meanwhile, Keyes was in his battlecruiser and noticed that the Enterprise was taking off and decided to pursue. Keyes said, "Kirk, you will not get away because my slipspace drive can easily overtake your clunky warp drive very easily." The Halo battlecruiser followed the Enterprise into orbit. Kirk said, "Sulu, full impulse power and standby on warp drive." Sulu replied, "Aye sir, full impulse." In the aquatic cargo holds, Rendle noticed a large blanket and covered himself up in the cozy water comforter. Krik then said, "Scotty, I need warp drive now." Scotty replied, "Warp drive at maximum." Kirk then said, "Thanks, Scotty. Sulu, maximum warp." Sulu said, "Aye sir, going at maximum warp." The Enterprise left the Halo battlecruiser behind. Keyes told his helm to engage the slipspace drive only to have it not work and to find out that Scotty sabotaged it just after they landed in the seas of Naboo.
On the Enterprise, Scotty and Spock were looking at Rendle and were both hormonally aroused by the large peace eel. Rendle said, "I do not want any course of action that would lead to war, I want to have peace demonstrations to protest Halo's war efforts and send a message that war is pointless and that militarism is the absolute pits. That is one aspect that I love about Star Wars Episode I." Scotty replied, "The crew of the Enterprise totally agrees with you because as you rightfully feel, violence only breeds more violence." Mr Spock said, "Rendle, your concerns are logical but I would not expect the Halo forces to act logically since they are driven by pure emotion." Rendle said, "Thanks guys for your support of my approach to the situation." Rendle was so cozy that he fell fast asleep.
(Author's Notes: This post is partly inspired from the stealing the Enterprise scene in Star Trek III. I am not saying that Jacob Keyes and other Halo characters use such illogicality as verbal assaults, I am only showing how most real-life Halo fans act in response to criticism of Halo.)
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